it feels like just yesterday was fall. i took this photo on election day.
i felt rock bottom tonight. i lost a bunch of really good work to a stupid mistake and freaked out, punching mattresses and almost crying. it was ludicrous, and i knew i was behaving ridiculously, but it wasn’t just tonight. it was everything.
but my friend shane came by tonight and talked to me. he was right… i… ive been disappointed in myself because i gave up on myself, in the past few weeks. and its because im here, and not in california.
and everyone and their mothers knows it and has told me, but its different when someone says it to your face. and shane is my brother, and that makes a difference too. and i know how to get out of it, i need to do it. home is not gonna be different than this.
im gonna need to lean on people out there, and its gonna be hard, but out there, i have a chance of seeing the good side of things, and being positive and being fueled by a desire to make things happen. and here, i do not.
i can do it.
i might go up and down before i get to california, but that’s how it goes. right now im up, and i need to get to california asap, so that i can start my life for real. my dad had good intentions with trying to convince me to stay here, but he sees things differently, and i cant listen to him anymore. he’s ok with mediocrity, he thinks something for me is better than nothing, but the only way im gonna be great is if i take a big risk.
and on the plus side, all my life, ive measured how long it took from starting in a new place to being okay in a new place. california was probably the best, because it took 3 months and then i had the time of my life. i was in boston for about 2 months before i started doing something to change myself for the better.
and this time, its only really been a month or so. so. im doing better at recognizing bad situations and fixing them, faster.
at least im improving.
z
december 3rd is my birthday!
and,
bravo to you for take the leap cross country.
y’know, you’ve got guts, kiddo.
alyssa
ok. so I’m going to ask the obvious- why were you in a cemetery on election day?
micah rich
haha, um. i was going into work late, and had to walk a couple miles to vote, and i took a rest on this corner, with this tiny graveyard across the street. so i took a minute to relax and walk through it. they’re so calming.
i remember i was leaving, thinking about how i didn’t want to walk all the way back, and then another 2 miles to the subway stop, when a bus randomly came around the corner, and stopped just for me, even though it wasn’t a bus stop. i felt special. and when i got on and started moving, i realized i’d lost my $80 bus pass when i sat down.
the bus driver let me ride anyway. it ended up going in the wrong direction, and i finally found myself at a subway stop i’d never been to before. it was kind of an adventure.