i need to meet some people. i don’t want to be negative, and i have to avoid getting in a rut. i have a small handful of people i know here, in camillus, and they’re good people. i like ‘em, they like me. but this evening, playing some fun card games with a couple of ’em, it struck me how little we had in common. neutral fun activities, like pool, or like cards, or parties – those are fine. they’re good. but im beginning to drive home feeling unsatisfied, and it’s a dangerous place for me to be.
is camp better? there are the people on the boat – alright. i don’t much feel like i’ve gotten to be friends with ‘em. i don’t think that i want to so badly. maybe they aren’t my type of people. i don’t really love working on the boat, either. it’s cool to get an education about it, but my dream of sailing is a solitary one, on a far more modest boat. it’s an unusual job, which is better suited for me than a normal job, but i don’t need another job, i need something that’s super fun. the schedules and worrying about whether the bosses are displeased, and not eating the food that’s for the passengers, and wearing a uniform… these things make it much less an adventure and much more a job.
and camp itself? it’s a solitary place, which is like dessert for me. it tastes so sweet, but isn’t good for me. i love no running water, i love the stillness & the color of the light, coming in through the trees. i wake up early there, and it feels good. but i’m without friends there, too, it’s the solitude i love. and i need to be meeting people, and spending time with interesting humans. humans that challenge me and excite me and humans i look forward to spending time with. in that aspect, i am lacking both here and there, & i think i’ve at least got a better chance at finding it in camillus.
so what am i gonna do? i’m not whining, i hope you don’t think i am. i need to go somewhere different and meet different, new people. it’s been brewing in my brain that i oughtta give the bar scene a shot, but gosh, how am i gonna do that? i’ve gotten better at being comfortable in a bar, but that doesn’t mean i am yet. and who goes to bars by themselves? and if not by myself, who do i go with? i’m imagining downtown bars, by the way, where girls where dresses and dudes all wear starched shirts and flat-rimmed baseball caps.
i haven’t figured out what i’ll do. what would you do?
sasha
i think you should get involved. find some clubs, take some classes for fun at SU, get a job in that area where there’s kids your age working there and around there. you’ll have a better chance meeting people you have things in common with, if you’re pursuing the interests you already have but in the public sphere.
p.s. i’ll be home in four weeks.
alyssa
this photo is gorgeous.
and I’d really like to be wherever that is.