micah makes photography : its own way

its own way

Sunday, September 07 2008

if i were honest with myself, i would admit why i so desperately want to move back to los angeles. i almost said wanted, but realized as i typed it that i still do want it. ive accepted that i’m not, probably for another year, but i still want it. and it’s for a girl.

i wrote a little while ago that i wouldn’t move across the country for her, and to my own dismay, i’m not. romeo and juliet.

i’ve spent the past few days in boston. i went on a quick trip to look at an apartment that i was sure would be perfect. salem massachusetts, full of colonial architecture and ocean views and cobblestone streets. it was a house from 1802, with a super nice landlady living above me. it was a last minute trip, pretty much a whim, because it’s dumb to take an apartment before looking at it. so i hopped in the car, drove down there. i met the landlady and her family – a wonderful group. i bet they would have been like a family to me, seriously. the house was gorgeous. the floors were somewhat crooked, but original stained wood. the ceilings were short, and i felt like a giant, but thats how houses were back then. a fireplace that i could use, even the moulding was right. it was a little small, but i’d be willing to overlook that – it was like a tiny piece of very rich cheesecake. i told them i’d take it, and i’d come back in the morning to sign the papers.

i had to rush to the train station, because i was meeting angelo to get keys to the company’s apartment, where they said i could stay for the night. only i didnt know where the train station was, i was running late, and i had no idea how to ride the train. i thought i missed it, altho it ended up being late and i just didnt know, but in driving around, i realized that salem was not as glamourous as i’d thought it’d be. the block or two around the house was nice, but the train station was dirty and sketchy. it reminded me of the two evil sister roommates, actually. not a jab, it really did.

so i’m freaking out, because i just told these nice people i’d live there, but dont feel comfortable, AND i missed the train and need to meet this guy in the city to get keys for where i’m staying, or else no place to stay. he recommends i just drive down (which i honestly hadnt considered). so as im driving, im seeing that the area is only getting sketchier and sketchier the closer to boston i get. theoretically it makes sense, i just imagined it’d be different. and poor angelo, he’s got his own train to catch, and he came a long way just to give me the keys, and he’s talking overworked micah through boston streets. the whole thing’s a mess.

eventually, i get to roughly where i need to be, but don’t really know it, and he’s on the phone with me and tells me to just stop, to pull over, he’d come find me. he hops in the car, we go park it, literally less than a minute away from where i stopped, and we check out where i’m staying so i can get back on my own. then he’s like, “let’s get some beer.”

awesome. so unneccessarily cool of them to buy me dinner, but so delicious. angelo and i had a great time (i think i’m gonna make some good friends at this company). he leaves, i go home. home being their apartment. i call the salem lady, leave a message bout how sorry i am to change my mind, i loved the place, but the area wasn’t right for me. she called me the next morning to make me feel better and say it’s better i know now than 2 months into the lease. she welcomed me to boston. that eased my mind.

i did some research of other places. places people had recommended, mostly. my dad wanted me to live west, chad recommended malden, angelo said i might like beverly. so i found a handful of places in a spot called melrose, which was just north of malden.

the thing about malden is that it’s outside the city, so it’s somewhat affordable, but it’s generally a pretty friendly and clean place. AND it’s right near the end of the subway line, so you don’t need to pay twice as much for a train pass, you can just buy a subway pass and get to where you need to be every day. so i google-street-viewed malden, it looked decent, and then i did the same for melrose, and it looked awesome. i focused my energy on that.

this is day two now, when i was expecting to be traveling home. instead i bought a train ticket to melrose (the one just north of malden), and rode the train there. i had a list of places i’d found on craigslist in my hand, and called them all when i got off the train. i walked around for, i think a few hours, before i got a chance to actually check a place out. melrose is a really quaint little town (technically a city, but it feels like a town.) there’s kids that walk home by themselves, antique shops run by old people, and even a general store near the train. there’s a main st. with all these locally owned shops, and everything else is a safe neighborhood.

so i met the landlady of place #1, and checked it out. it’s pretty decent sized, with pretty much everything included in the rent, which is very reasonable. it’s right by both the train station, and a short ways away from the very last subway stop. so i could spend so much on a crappy ride, or twice as much on a nicer ride. my choice, which is nice. i tell her i like it, she hands me a credit application and we agree to meet the next morning. i looked at another place that day, but it was far away from there (near a different train stop), and while it was cool victorian house, the place was small and cramped, and hot, and on the third floor. i said no thanks.

the next morning (yesterday morning, when i should have been long gone), instead of meeting with the landlady of the place i liked, i called her and said i was gonna look at some of the other recommended places, just to make sure i wasn’t missing out on anything. she thought it was a good idea, but warned me that another dude wanted the place, and she couldn’t tell him it was taken until i had given her a deposit. i said i’d take my chances for the rest of the day, and let her know tomorrow morning.

i took a train to beverly. beverly was pretty unimpressive. there was one really nice place, about twice the size for the same price, but the train is more expensive and the only option, so it’d even out in the end. and since the area was… a tiny bit sketchier (not as much as salem, but only marginally better), i called the melrose landlady back. we met that afternoon, i gave her part of a deposit (since i left my checkbook at home) and my credit application, and she signed an agreement to return to the money if i’m denied. i dont see how i will be, i’m a good kid.

so. i’m left this morning, drove all the way back to new york, and am in the works for getting a place. i dont think there are many people my age in melrose, but i’m a short trip away from boston, so i can always head there if i want to meet people or do fun things. and it’s a nice, safe, quiet place, that’s decent sized and pretty cheap. and it’s all mine. my own place. it’s kind of a scary thought.

and while all this is fabulous news, i wish she were here with me.

we finally talked about it. i’m not crazy, i’m in love, and she has no idea what she’s in, but she’s in a mess, too. i have this unfounded belief that it’s gonna work out, that i can see the signs well enough to follow, to get me on a path where things end up how they’re supposed to be. and for whatever reason, i think she’s in that picture. and while she just doesn’t know pretty much anything, and isn’t willing to risk the disappointment of speculating, if i end up with nothing else, at least i’ll know that we felt as crazy for each other as we do. and that, my friends, is a heart-filling feeling. maybe life will find us other people. maybe life will lead us apart just long enough for us to realize we’re in love, and we’ll find our way back together. maybe maybe maybe. in the meantime, sandy and i see how things go.

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